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July 3, 2012 / jamiedayton

I VOW

Twelve years ago I said wedding vows to my very dedicated Husband. At the time I was saying all that I had to repeat, to a man I was in love with but knew so little about.  Today I know that man so much more, but even more I know Jesus. See when I got married I knew OF Jesus but I didn’t KNOW Jesus. So those vows where just words being repeated to a man I was attracted to. I have since learned what love really is and what marriage is. I have learned HOW to love because I AM loves me! Today I would say those same vows but I would add a few more.

Our Marriage has not been easy, being that both of us came from broken homes. We had NO real positive influence or model of a succesful and loving relationship or marriage.  We really where set up for failure according to the worlds standards, but God knew exactly what HE was doing and He had/has much better plans and promises for US!

You can find the definition of love right in the bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is so very different from what the world teaches. instead of a feeling that makes you feel good,it is an action that makes others feel good, that puts you and your needs below that of another and their needs, it means to be self-less not self-ish. Oh how difficult this is, NO WONDER DIVORCE RATES ARE SO HIGH. When the world tells  screams at us to think about ourselves first, do what feels good. If I can tell you only one thing, making a marriage work is not about doing what feels good sometimes you just have to close your mouth and walk away, letting that person say the last word. And that is okay!  As a wife we are called to submit, like it or not, your husband is the head of the house hold and unless he is asking you to do something that goes against God then you are to respect his decisions. Like them or not. Yes he should consider your opinions but his say is the last. He is responsible for you and your children, He will be judged on all the actions he made regarding all of you. That is a huge weight on his shoulders, you are created to help him with those choices but you will only be judged for your own actions. SO next time you are giving him a hard time, step back and take a look at what this will look like when Jesus replays it for you at that judgement seat.

Some things I have learned in the last twelve years have brought me to my knees more than once. The Lord has really spoken to me and I made these extra vows.

  I vow to not put my expectation in my husband but in God alone.

It is so unfair to any human for you to put expectations on them, they will not meet all of them and then you are left hurt, upset and feeling unloved. They are left feeling inadequate and like a failure.  But God said to put all your expectations in the Him. He can handle it, He delights in it!

5 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. Psalms 62:5

He will meet all of our expectations, believe that! He loves to do it. But remember, He does it in His time, His Schedule and His way………

  I vow to allow the Lord to meet my needs especially my need to feel loved

 No one person can meet all of your needs, and if you are like me I have a lot of needs and want people to just know them with out me having to point them out. Well a husband is not a mind reader and even after 12+ years together, he isn’t going to know them all because you change and so do your needs, heck half the time I don’t even know what it is I really need. But God does and He will meet every need I have, He will love me fully and unconditionally, He knows me intimately.  Allowing God to meet these needs, frees me to LOVE my husband the way he needs without me wanting in return, and when I am not wanting, I find I am receiving, my husband does not have to guess what it wrong and try to fix it, he will just do something for me and it will be appreciated because I am not getting upset that it wasn’t what I wanted or enough, God is good that way!

The Lord will always lead you. He will meet the needs of your soul in the dry times and give strength to your body. You will be like a garden that has enough water, like a well of water that never dries up.

Isaiah 58:11

31 Do not worry. Do not keep saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘What will we wear?’ 32 The people who do not know God are looking for all these things. Your Father in heaven knows you need all these things. 33 First of all, look for the holy nation of God. Be right with Him. All these other things will be given to you also.

Matthew 6:31-33

 29 Are not two small birds sold for a very small piece of money? And yet not one of the birds falls to the earth without your Father knowing it. 30 God knows how many hairs you have on your head. 31 So do not be afraid. You are more important than many small birds.

Matthew 10:29-30

139 O Lord, You have looked through me and have known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I get up. You understand my thoughts from far away. 3 You look over my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well. 4 Even before I speak a word, O Lord, You know it all. 5 You have closed me in from behind and in front. And You have laid Your hand upon me. 6 All You know is too great for me. It is too much for me to understand…………

13 For You made the parts inside me. You put me together inside my mother. 14 I will give thanks to You, for the greatness of the way I was made brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret and put together with care in the deep part of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me before I was put together. And all the days of my life were written in Your book before any of them came to be.

Psalm 139:1-6,13-16

  I vow to love and forgive with the same grace that the Lord Loves and forgives me

 No matter how hard you try to not mess up, you will and so will your husband. It may be something small like not taking the trash out, or it could be something huge like infidelity. Either way, someone will end up hurt. I have learned that forgiveness is HUGE in making a marriage work, no one is perfect we are all sinners and in need of Jesus. But just as Jesus forgave us our transgressions so also should we forgive the transgressions of others especially our husbands. So if he doesn’t call and tell you he is going to be late for dinner, take a deep breath and give him a big hug and kiss when he gets home, tell him you love him and give thanks that he is safe.  When you start to feel that anger rising up in you remember Grace. If you received undeserving grace from Jesus then even more so does he deserve it from you.  It will make things go so much better for all of you.

25 When you stand to pray, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him. Then your Father in heaven will forgive your sins also. 26 *If you do not forgive them their sins, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.” 

Mark 11:25

But all of this is only possible if you are in constant communion with God, He doesn’t fill you up if you don’t ask, He waits for you to come to Him, He is a gentleman that way. SO you have to stay in the word daily, pray continuously and worship and praise intentionally.  Then do it all over again tomorrow!

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One Comment

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  1. peacefulwife / Jul 4 2012 5:08 am

    LOVE THIS!!!!! Thank you for sharing your story. I completely relate to it. I have learned these exact same lessons by God’s grace! Thank you for honoring God, your husband and your marriage and encouraging other women to do the same!

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